Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize