He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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