I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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