I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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