Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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