At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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