you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
worst night to have a conscience
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
