I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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