I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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