Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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