I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
