Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
