I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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