plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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