I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
