Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
