90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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