Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
