Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
