I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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