My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
