I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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