I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
