life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
