How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
