he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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