my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize