bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
