you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
