I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
