omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
