my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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