On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She even gives head with a lisp.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
