Yo dont text me then not text me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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