I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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