If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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