Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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