You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
