Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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