Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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