she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
