I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
