I looked at my own cervix.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
