My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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