my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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