I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
