Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
