I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
