I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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