I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
