Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
