R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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