I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
