it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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