so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
