Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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