Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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