I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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