it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
