Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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