i would punch a child for taco bell
I just cut my nipple shaving
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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