I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My cat gives me a boner
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
