Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
