There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
