dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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