did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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